Who Stole the Gold from Fort Knox?
Trump, Musk Will Find Out!
FORT KNOX, Kentucky—US Army troops scrambled to find enough gold bars and coins to refill the empty storage rooms on this famed US. Army base before the arrival of President Trump and waste-buster Elon Musk Tuesday morning.
Soldiers pushing wheelbarrows raced through barracks, offices, rifle ranges, tank trails and the post PX to scoop up any loose bullion, bars, coins or ingots that lay scattered about. Many soldiers had gold stashed in their lockers or duffel bags, sources said.
Over the weekend, Musk expressed concerns that the post’s $400 billion fortune in gold had disappeared.
“We’ve heard disturbing rumors about shockingly lax conditions at Fort Knox, Musk tweeted on X, formerly Twitter. “Woke officers appointed by Joe Biden have allowed DEI troops who are related to Mexican drug cartel leaders to grab up as much of the gold as they want. They’ve been treating this gold very casually, often scratching gang symbols and obscenities into the bars with their switchblades. We don’t know how much is left.”
Then Trump jumped in, tweeting, “We hope everything’s fine with Fort Knox, but we’re going to go to Fort Knox to make sure the gold is there.”
When word of the impending visit reached this outpost, its commanding officer, Gen. Stimpson M. Jarwood, canceled all leaves and ordered his troops to “police up anything that glitters.”
“I think it’s all here on the post,” he told this reporter. “Just scattered around. That’s for security reasons. To make it harder for robbers to find.”
The gold supply at Fort Knox has never been successfully robbed but in 1964, gold magnate Auric Goldfinger attempted to irradiate the bullion with a nuclear device, thus increasing the value of his own gold holdings. His sinister plot was foiled by British secret agent James Bond, saving the world from economic chaos.
However, in 750 BC, the evil Nibelung dwarf Alberich stole an estimated $963 trillion in gold from its hiding place in the Rhine River in what is today Germany. The magical ring Alberich had forged from the gold was recovered by Wotan, lord of the gods, but for complicated reasons,Wotan gave it to some giant and now nobody knows where the damn thing is.
Auric Goldfinger
I may have the magic ring. Contact me via encrypted message, please, and have your bitcoin routing number ready.
I heard rumors of people trying to crash Musk's server by sending him voluminous documents. I think that many, many copies of Raw Truth Bulletin might do the trick!