NY Times 4 Decades Late on No-Pockets Trend

Fashion Critic Totally Misses the Boat

New York Times fashion critic Vanessa Friedman today raises the pressing question, “Where did the—she calls them “breast pockets”—go?

Yeeps, I asked that question 43 years ago and I am hardly Mr. Fashion Dude. Isn’t fashion supposed to be timely? Aren’t pockets best served hot?

Back then I had been hired to write about the media by a newsmagazine. (The money was good) In that benighted era, you had to work in the office. And dress up. I dutifully bought suits because that was what men wore to the office of the newsmagazine.

But you didn’t wear the jacket of the suit. Not in the office. At lunch, sure. At a funeral, doubtless. Not at the office. You would wear the jacket to the office, but once you’d arrived at the office, you had to hang it up.

That’s how it was then.

With my legendary eye for meaningless detail, I immediately noticed that none of the men in the office of the newsmagazine had shirt pockets.

WTF?

All my shirts had pockets. But these newsmagazine men—especially the bosses—eschewed the pocket. Their only pockets were in their pants. And in their jackets—but they didn’t wear the jackets. That’s how I knew about the shirts.

Where did they keep their pens? Their glasses? Their parking tickets? Their love notes? I never found out. I left the newsmagazine two months after being hired.

Irreconcilable differences.

They wanted me to write news.

But I think the pockets were the real problem. I could wear a jacketless suit, but not a pocketless shirt.

On the pocket issue, I was adamant. In my time, I had worn shirts with two pockets. I had worn shirts with flaps on the pockets and shirts with a button on the pocket. (Both unnecessary, btw) But I could not, would not, should not go unpocketed.

To this very day all my shirts have pockets.

Not my T-shirts, though. T-shirts shouldn’t have pockets.

Everyone must follow a moral code and these rules are integral to mine.

Have a pocket on your shirt and do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

That way you will never go wrong.