Surgeon General Calls for Warning Label on Trump
Declares Fat Felon Bad for Your Health
U.S. surgeon general Vivek Murthy emerged from his secret combat operating room again today, calling for a health warning label to be affixed to once and maybe future President Donald Trump.
“We have found it necessary to warn the American people of the health dangers of tobacco, alcohol and murder wasps,” he said, looking sharp in his snappy surgeon-general uniform and helmet. “But Trump is even more harmful. Who knows how much hypertension, anxiety and depression have been engendered by this toxic bacillus churning his chaotic way through the body politic.”
Just yesterday, Murthy had requested a warning label to protect young people from the harmful effects of social media.
“Adolescents who spend more than three hours a day on social media face double the risk of anxiety and depression symptoms, and the average daily use in this age group, as of the summer of 2023, was 4.8 hours,” Murthy said. “Additionally, nearly half of adolescents say social media makes them feel worse about their bodies.”
Murthy, 47, is serving his second term as surgeon general. He was first appointed to the post by President Obama. Though Murthy is neither a surgeon nor a general, he is a physician and a U.S. Navy admiral.
The surgeon general does not himself have the power to place warning labels, but can only request that Congress affix them to such health menaces as the surgeon general deems necessary.
Lots of luck with that one.
Speaking of how to mitigateTrump’s danger to public health, Murthy said, “Wherever he goes, he should be preceded by a man carrying a large sign reading, ‘Danger! Trump Is Coming. Run For Your Life!’”
Sounds like we need a class action suit against whoever manufactures Trump for endangering the public. This model is burning out but the next may also cause bloating, skin rash, and hair loss as well as inability to talk in complete sentences.
I'll volunteer to carry the sign.