Hey. Charlie Birdchew here, big boss of Sasquatch Nation. Me go right to point. Trump! Him win Bigfoot vote paws down. Trump classic strong man. Alpha male. Leader of pack. Big Kahuna. Come on, all know it. Him the Man. Us ‘quatches like big loudmouth sumbitch stand up in front of pack and yell, Hey me the best. Who you got any better? Nobody! Maybe pound chest a little, though younger Bigfoots think that cornball.
And then anybody try push him off Leader Mound, big loudmouth sumbitch break their femur.
In Sasquatch community, that what leadership all about, not some namby-pamby me- pass-this-bill, me-pass-that-bill, me-appoint-smarter-Bigfoots-to-Supreme-Court.
No, that not Trump. But him got bulk to sit on opponent and crush him if debate not going well.
Course some will say Sasquatch vote not mean shit cause Sasquatch not vote, since us is shy creatures what avoid contact with human society.
Well, that changing!
Human society totally fucking up natural world, and Sasquatch got no more wilderness for retreating into. Charlie Birdchew administration last week decree era of shy retreating done. End of.
Next sumbitch human build summer house in picturesque canyon getting big surprise and not funny either.
Me understand Trump not stop destruction of environment. In fact, accelerate. It too late for saving, anyways. Trump understand that. Him practical man of reality. Do what gotta be done. Sasquatch preparing for post-apocalyptic wasteland. You see Mad Max movies? We collecting gas buggies, monster trucks, weird weapons. Nuclear hol’caust desertify the land, Sasquatches come roaring out of our caves, take over.
Then it all come down to climactic rassle between Trump and Charlie Birdchew in Thunderdome. Me wait long time for this one. You be sure and vote for Trump, yes?
Sounds like someone wants the VP slot!!
I heard the aliens of Skinwalker ranch were endorsing him but the Lochness monster is still on the fence