Hegseth Says US Troops Don't Commit Enough War Crimes!!!

"Can't Win Without 'Em!"

A scene from the training film “How to Do Unspeakable Things in Wartime.”

Defense Secretary and renowned military historian Pete Hegseth said yesterday in a group e-mail to all members of the US military that they couldn’t win wars without committing war crimes.

“Killing and raping civilians, torturing prisoners and crushing the tender skulls of infants and toddlers were given a bad name under recent Democratic presidents,” Hegseth wrote. “But all real warriors know that atrocities are what win wars.”

“You got to scare the bejesus out of the enemy to make him quit,” he said, beating his red-white-and-blue-painted, bare chest for emphasis.

From the moment he was nominated by President Trump, Hegseth let it be known that he would fight wokeness, DEI, transgender rights and basic human decency in the military, and replace them with lethality, swinishness and big, scary, tattooed white men bayoneting innocent bystanders.

Hegseth showed media reporters and military public-relations specialists a new training film he had commissioned to instruct soldiers on how to commit war crimes. The film, “How to Do Unspeakable Things in Wartime,” is just the first step in Hegseth’s atrocity-promotion program, he said. “The second step is to decriminalize war crimes, which, by the way, will now be referred to as “intensive warfare.”

Hegseth said from now on all soldiers and Marines would be issued scalping knives. He then pulled one out of a briefcase and cut off one of his fingers, saying, “You gotta be tough in this man’s Pentagon.”

According to Dr. Yehuda F. Gupte, chairman of the Graduate School of Film and Podcasting at Syracuse University, “The film makes a strong case for atrocity when it is in realistic mode, but when it inexplicably switches to surreal, hallucinatory animation, its sheer gruesomeness overwhelms the senses. This viewer threw up all over his popcorn.”