Giant Turd Passing Through Lower Chamber But No Relief Seen for US!

Here It Comes!

BULLETIN

Like some disgusting, freakishly huge stool blocking an overstretched intestine, President Trump’s big bloated bill inched its way toward passage early today as the House got ready for a final spasm it prayed would finally expel the smelly object.

Republicans strained all night to clear the massive blockage stuck in the lower chamber of Congress and finally wrenched it toward a final vote on the House floor, overcoming conservative resistance to passage.

Trump had earlier blamed GOP holdouts for the stasis, saying “they lacked the guts to drop this thing into the bowl of victory.” But he called House Speaker Mike Johnson a “man of high moral fiber.”

Johnson sped toward the House rest room to personally oversee the final push. He had tried everything, including increasingly strong laxatives, softeners and even enemas, but nothing worked “until I put my anus in the hands of the Lord and prayed for help.”

Then, Johnson said, came a miracle. “The sphincters parted wider than ever before,” he said. “And lo, I could feel the enormous bulk begin its inexorable slide to daylight.”