Army Unit Learning Goose Step for Trump Parade!

Soldiers Study Actual Geese

Goose steppers from the past show how it’s done.

Practicing for the big June 14 military parade in Washington, the US Army’s elite 203rd Combat Parader Division is preparing a controversial marching technique that it hopes will wow President Trump and win the Best Unit in Line of March Trophy.

The goose step.

“We’re hoping that when the President sees us break out the goose when we hit the reviewing stand, he’ll flash a big Trump smirk,” said Lt. Col. Andrew J. Smigoa. “It’s a tough step to master but the boys and girls are really pumped.”

Critics of the parade say the goose step is inappropriate because it’s associated by many old people who remember stuff with fascists, Nazis, Communists and other unpopular groups.

“When I see soldiers doing the goose step, I assume they’re invading Poland,” said Hortense de la Vivre, parade critic for Marcher magazine. “Hitler loved it, though when he tried to do it himself, he fell and injured his coccyx.”

The goose step, which mimics the stiff-legged walking style of geese, is accomplished by raising the right leg with the knee kept stiff while attempting to not look ridiculous or keel over backwards. Beginner goose steppers try for a 45-degree leg angle while veterans can often can often achieve a waist-high boot lift. When an entire military unit goose steps, the effect is menacing and disturbing, as though they’re kicking members of an oppressed minority group down the street.

Pentagon sources say the suggestion to goose step came directly from Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth, who felt it would reflect his “aggressive killer warfare guy” policy.

When the 203rd Division began learning the goose step three weeks ago, Lt. Col. Smigoa said, “we brought in three trained geese and the choreographer for the Radio City Music Hall Rockettes. Their high kick is similar to the goose step.”

The parade, which will cost an estimated $17 trillion, will celebrate both President Trump’s 79th birthday and the US Army’s 250th birthday, but mainly the former.

Seventy-six trombones will lead the big parade, with 110 cornets close at hand, confidential sources said. They’ll be followed by rows and rows of the finest virtuosos, the cream of every famous band. The parade will also feature a flyover by 25 Patton Flying Submarines, the US Navy’s top-secret new weapon, and a battalion of robotic marines trained to spot terrorists and kill them without breaking step.

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