Leaders of the U.S. Communist states held a secret emergency meeting late last night to determine what action could be taken against a spate of mysterious earthquake assaults against their territory.
They met after receiving a grim warning from Rudolph Giuliani, former New York City Mayor and lawyer for Donald Trump. Following a rare, 4.82-magnitude quake that hit the northeast Monday, Giuliani noted that “The Communist states are getting earthquakes. Somebody’s sending us a message.”
Forty-seven Communist governors, mayors and other state and local officials descended on a motel in the borough of Moscow, Pennsylvania, eleven miles southeast of Scranton. There they snacked on blinis and caviar and discussed the alarming attacks of earthquakes on Marxist states plus how to overthrow the federal government and impose communism throughout the U.S.
Though reporters were kept out of the meeting by bayonet-wielding troops of the Wagner mercenary force, some officials came outside to answer questions from the media. U.S. Senator John Fetterman of Pennsylvania told reporters that he and his fellow Commies would not have taken the earthquake warning as seriously as they did had it come from a less credible source.
“Hey, when Rudy Giuliani says it, you’ve got to listen,” Fetterman said. “It’s not like some disgraced, washed-up alcoholic bum whose mental health is suspect has babbled utter gibberish into his Martini glass. This is America’s mayor, for Pete’s sake.”
The officials divided into groups to discuss various aspects of the situation. Communist Governor Kathy Hochul of the People’s Republic of New York led a “soviet,” or council, delving into Giuliani’s contention that “somebody’s sending us a message.”
The police chief of Yonkers said that somebody was obviously God, and we must obey his commandments,” said Hochul. “I had to remind him that as Communists, we are strict, uncompromising atheists,” she said. “I asked him if he had read Chairman Mao’s little red book lately.”
Another breakthrough piece, Lew, rich with detail (blini, caviar, Yonkers). Just one correction. Wagner group does not use bayonets. As gentleman soldiers, Wagner infantrymen carry only sledgehammers.
Might As Well Be Truth In Our Upside Down Inside Out Ravaged Country…