Far-right and far-out radical Republican terrorist Mad Marjorie Greene and a similarly afflicted House colleague have set out to bring down House Speaker Mike Johnson just as the embattled leader introduced a complex plan intended to fund key U.S. allies during wartime.
Among other “outrageous” and “nasty” concepts Greene objected to were “complex,” “plan,” “fund,” and “during.”
As of our deadline, she hadn’t made up her mind about “U.S.”
Johnson told reporters he had hoped his ordinary looks, mild demeanor and impeccably far-right positions would allow him to graze on the wide savannah unnoticed and unmolested by the relentless Greene. He took refuge behind a large anthill and prayed that his unstoppable quivering and raspy breathing wouldn’t give him away. But the ferocious predator Greene had had her baleful eye fixed on the plump speaker from the time earlier that day when Johnson had grazed in the midst of a seemingly endless herd of wildebeest for cover, and her vision was keen enough to keep her target in view.
What’s more, her ally, Rep. Thomas Massey (Mammal-Ky.) was deployed on the other side of the wildebeest herd, in the unlikely case Johnson should decide to bolt.
The two speedy apex predators slowly ambled toward their prey from different directions, careful to keep him upwind, their powerful noses sensitive to any change in the breeze or Massey’s position.
About 75 yards from his target, Massey broke into a flat-out sprint, heading straight toward Johnson. Panicking, the Speaker took off in the opposite direction. This was an egregious error as Greene had anticipated the move. It took her just a few seconds to cover the ground between them.
With a terrible roar, she catapulted her body into the air and fastened her powerful jaws on Johnson’s throat as she descended. Johnson had no real defense against the savage assault and the sharp crack of his neck bone could be heard as far off as the water hole, where the meerkats traded jokes and gossip with the jackals.
By now, Massey had ripped out Johnson’s intestines with his sharp claws and begun to feast. Already the lesser beasts were inching forward for their share.. A cheeky hyena darted toward the kill to see if she could score a morsel without being swatted away.
Did you ever really look at a hyena? It is the most hideously ugly animal in the jungle. But not the most dangerous.
Nice return, Lew. Biblical in tone. End times for Johnson. And not very good for the rest of us, either.
Clap clap clap.
I foresee Greene suffocating on her (own) bile.
Karma brings slow asphyxiation.